A Note...

A Note...

Originally I had planned on just re-posting my poetry and re publishing my other writing on the original date that I posted it but after reading through some of the posts. There would have been too many difficult things to read without having the softer, more sensual writing that I do as a way to escape the harsh reality of my memories.


I use my various blogs to express myself in ways that I can't not explain or vocalize. Sometimes I use music, colors and words to help me express my feelings when I can't explain or understand what I am feeling. Sometimes I feel like I am so far behind others in maturity and at other times I feel so old. 


I have re-connected with some old friends and I have made some new friends. I have been reminiscing about the past, missing friends that are gone and a time long forgotten. New friends remind me that there is no reason to miss the past but to look forward to the future and the many possibilities that it contains.


I was really sad today because in remembering the past I always remember the fun Gemini Pussycat, Gentle Lady and I had. Sometimes we didn't sleep and we would stay up late into the night keeping each other company. Sometimes making fractals and discussing different colors and how those particular colors could change your demeanor. Gemini Pussycat died years ago and yet the pain of losing her is sometimes still so fresh. I don't know why her death always hits me so hard at times. I will be fine for a while and something will throw me for a loop and I miss her terribly. I guess I just haven't healed from that wound.


I miss the times when Gentle Lady and I would do a room trance and take out everyone in the room just because it was so much fun to see how long it would take to trance the ones in the room. I really miss being able to indulge in my voice fetish. *smiles* 


Shawn tells me that I am better than I used to be. It amazes me that there have been so many changes since I started my blogs. My writing styles are very different now. I have been reading things that I wrote years ago and I can connect with the emotions that I was feeling. I forgot how brutal some of the things I wrote were. It kinda jarred me back in time, and I was there again. I came back to myself quicker than I used to and I had to take a break from reading my poems for a bit. 


You might not like some of the things I write but it's for me. I choose to post it because there is someone out there that might be helped by what I have written. I have DID or MPD as it is sometimes referred to. Shawn helped me so much in healing myself and learning to function as a whole instead of pieces. Some of the words that I used in describing myself were facets, gloves, masks, pieces and shards. I have since learned that I am like a sparkling jewel with many interesting facets, or a stunning outfit with opera gloves, or a Venetian mask that goes with a gorgeous costume for Carnival in Venice, the pieces of an intricate puzzle that fit just so, or shards of a broken mirror that has been carefully mended and made new.


I am truly fortunate to have so many friends that care about me. Sometimes the past is fuzzy and that is okay, because the future is clear and bright.