Missing Pussycat...

Missing Pussycat...

Have you ever lost someone that was important to you? Well I have lost many over the years but it was because it was easier to let them go and close the book on that chapter in my life. Being an Army brat does that, I learned to not count on friends after the chapter closed, I learned that I could forget about them and start over again and again.

Last year I lost one of my girlfriends, I still blame myself; I wasn’t there for her when she needed me. I was cleaning out my e-mail and she had sent me a card saying that she loved me and our friendship because I never asked her for anything. I was always there to listen to her rambling or ranting rain or shine. I would remind her of silly things and of not so silly things. The card said a lot. I felt like a fraud when I read it after she died. There was a connection with us that we both treasured. I miss her!

Well today I needed someone and I went to message her, then I remembered that she was gone. She is still on my friends list; I can’t make myself delete her id. I needed to talk to her so very badly. I went to her blog and wrote a comment to the last blog post she had made. I decided to write her what I was thinking. Only thing is I know she will never answer me again. But this is what I wrote her. I loved her, she was another sister to me.

God Pussycat, I misssss you soooooooooo much!!!!*huggles you, crying* you were my other girlfriend, my late night buddy, my room hopping, creating outrageous ids, fractal making, best friend!!! I just miss talking to you; you could always get through to me when I was feeling this way. I feel like I'm spiraling deep into that abyss. Like there isn't anything to save me from myself.

I wish you were still here, I feel better writing to you; even though I know that you are gone. When I find silly, interesting links my first thought is to send it to you and then I remember that you are gone. So much that I do reminds me of you. I will always miss you! Love, Minxy

I still hurt because I miss her so much. This week has been traumatic for me because of things beyond my control. I guess I’m a control freak. I want to curl up and sleep for a time. But promises made keep me from doing that. It feels like I need respite before I break again.