Heartless Inside

Heartless Inside

Thinking love is in the head;

Not in the heart nor the soul.

Unable to see past her wants

Unable to realize.

What she had wasn’t love.

A shadow of a woman

Not really what she appears

Taking what she wants.

Forgetting that love is selfless

Heartless, selfish little girl

In a woman’s body

Unable to get past being a child

A little girl forever

Constantly looking for love.

And never finding it

Because she has no capacity for love.

Lusting after what she wanted

Thinking she got the prize.

Knowing she is deceived

Poor heartless little girl.

Ever searching for her heart,

Gone missing, lost in limbo

Obfuscated by her dark rage.

Peace she seeks, but never finds.

Thinking another holds it,

In his soft gentle hands.

Holds the mirror to her face,

Finally seeing reality.

Forever empty,

No lines or creases to belie a well lived life.

Pristine the view, but with invisible cracks;

Deep crevasses of pain.

No amount of shoveling onto others will relieve.

Once realized she sees others visions of love.

She can finally see how she didn't honor the visions

The first time she recognized them

Poor heartless little girl.

In her jealousy, she did not realize

That by sharing care and love

She would have seen her own fulfillment

Come to fruition.

Lacking compassion and honor

A thin, shabby, veil of civility;

Covers the most sordid manners

Made worn through abject neglect of herself and others.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

*I wrote this while talking to a dear friend, comments that I made reminded me of other things that had been weighing on my mind. Writing this poem helped me see some things I hadn't thought about. Now I have the time to explore the situation and deal with what I find in a healthy way.

This was written December 30 2005; originally posted 1/2/2006.

Kit Masters © 1999-2010