Feeling Like A Commodity

Feeling Like A Commodity

Have you ever wondered why someone liked you? Well I have all the time. It’s sad that a part of me is always trying to figure out why someone likes me. I guess it’s a way that I protect myself. I am naïve enough to believe everyone at face value; unless I have a bad feeling about someone. Sometimes I ignore that feeling and I end up hurting.

I am told that I have a lovely voice; that I am talented. Sometimes I don’t see it but at other times I do. Actually I hate my voice but I know how to use it to my advantage I learned to manipulate others with it. I didn’t know I was doing it at the time but as I remember things I can see me for what I was. I won’t apologize for it because it was the only way for me to survive.

Recently I was in a conversation with someone that I considered a friend, we hadn’t spoken in a while. As I was catching up on what they had been doing they were talking about the past and how enjoyable some conversations were. But when I thought about it they had only spoken about things I had done for them. There was no give and take in this friendship just taking.

I sat thinking for a bit over the last comment that I had read and then I became furious that I was only being used. In a second conversation I was having we discussed it and I decided to confront the person and I asked if the only reason we spoke was because of my ability and talents. They were taken off guard, they were back peddling, and they tried to flatter me with insincere compliments.

I found it disheartening to read what was being typed. I felt like I was a commodity to them, obviously it didn’t matter that I had feelings and that friendship was the only thing between us. I think they would have taken any morsel, any tidbit given; but you see I abhor takers. I basically found out that the person wasn’t truly my friend; they were only around for what they could get. Needless to say that person is not considered a friend any longer.

I think the past week has been one long crisis. One thing after another there hasn’t been a break yet. At least this one wasn’t so bad, I found out what I needed to know. I wonder if I pushed certain buttons to get the outcome I expected.