Sleep

Sleep

How can it feel so nice?

Why does it feel so right?

I think I’ve been somewhere special

I want to go back there 

Sleep

I think I will

Go back to sleep 

Oh it's so cold and shivery 

outside my cocoon

Now I’m on my way 

Sleep

Oh sleep

Sleep

Imogen Heap

~*~

This is a beautiful song the words are tender and soft. The melody is simple and beautiful. The image is one that I find innocent. Sometimes I wish I could sleep forever. 


That I could sink so deep into sleep; that I would have my innocence back. I will never get that back and I scream deep inside that someone ripped my innocence away from me at such a young age. That someone took it from me without my consent. 


He took so much. People say I should forgive and let it go. My youngest sister was taken from me because of something my father told her. He twisted the truth to suit him and made me the bad little girl. 


She made a choice I can’t change it. I miss my little sister, she doesn’t need or want me in her life and I feel so sad. He has taken so much. He is a despicable human being. He raped the innocence I had. He raped me over and over again. My little sister tells people that I know from back home that I am unstable and that I am crazy. 


OMG she doesn’t know how often I think that very same thought. People whisper and they get back to my Mom, and she feels each whisper like a shard of glass. I hate what they did. Rumors spiral out of control and cause so much pain.

In the past week I have gone through so many memories that it feels like I have been dragged through shards of glass; and I’m bleeding and I can’t stop it. 


Remembering all of these things so closely together takes a toll and I need to sleep I can’t take another memory or another snapshot of how unclean my life was. 


It doesn’t matter how many times I shower; I NEVER feel clean. Deep inside I am curled up in the fetal position sinking into the oblivion of darkness, forgetting everything, feeling nothing again, sinking deeper and deeper. 


Knowing nothing can wake me when I close my eyes. I will sleep so deeply and the hurt will be gone and the bleeding will stop.

~*~

Useless

 I am a mirror, with no reflection

I am a razor, without my blade

I am the daylight when the moon shines on

Who will want to make my 

sandcastle that's already made?

I feel so useless, do you?

Speak to an ear deaf to my voice

Look through your fear; you're still blind to my way

I reach to hold you, but I don't feel you there, do you

Even I realize I'm here am I just wasting away?

No wasting away

Living, inside you play

I feel so useless, do you?

I feel so useless, do you?

My dying prayer, sealed in a scream

Unwelcome care, and a conscious dream

I am your whore, without a name

I climb to fall, to begin again, to begin again

I am an arrow, with no direction

My life your tarot, and my picture your fate

I'm your becoming, so I'll always be nothing

If I ever break away from you that day forth,

You’ll be living

My hate

 Oh god help his fate

I'll watch you, watch you suffocate

I feel so useless, do you?

I feel so useless, do you?

I feel so useless, do you?

I feel so useless, do you?

Lyrics by Imogen Heap